What Happened to Charm School?

As a child, my mother and I were never close, so there are very few fond memories that I bring with me into adulthood. However, one of my most cherished memories was the day that my mother sat me down and gave me specific criteria (as did King Lemuel's mother in Proverbs 31) for the qualities that I should look for when the time came for me to choose a bride. My mother told me that I should choose a Lady and not a woman; and that there was a distinct difference between the two. She stated that the only criteria for a female to become a woman is that she be 18 years of age. A Lady on the other hand required training-Charm School training. A training that has been lost in my generation. I never fully understood what she meant until I met a real Lady: A Lady that had a gracefulness when she walked; A Lady that turned the heads of men with the fragrance that radiated from her body when she made her entrance into a room; A Lady with manicured hands and pedicured feet; A Lady that knew how to sit and properly order from the menu of a five star restaurant; A Lady that flossed her teeth after dinner and looked feminine even when she exercised. A Lady that owned more dresses than jeans and more high heels than Nikes and flip flops. A real Lady: A Lady that demanded the best that a man has to give; not with a Bitchy or condescending attitude but with words of encouragement and a soft touch that could melt the heart of Pharaoh; A Lady that wore lingerie at bedtime and not boxers and a t-shirt; A Lady that made you reach across the bed and bring her into your arms, because her touch quieted all of your boyhood fears, A Lady that was soft but not weak; strong but not dictatorial. Nowadays, a Lady is an endangered species. Today, you can not distinguish between the walk of a man and the walk of a woman. Today, women strive to be manly as if it is a badge of honor that symbolizes their independence. Today, women fight being feminine suggesting that it ties them to a decadent past-they are wrong. A man marries a Lady and hooks up with a woman. A man opens the car door for a Lady but calls a woman his Bonnie; suggesting that he is Clyde. A man makes love to a Lady and has sex with a woman-there is a difference. Therefore, I teach my daughters to be Ladies. I teach them to have the highest standards; women are common, and Ladies are rare-and they are not common. I teach them that in spite of what this decaying society says, there is still a great honor in being a Lady.

Do Not Disturb!

I am a person that enjoys silence, particularly when I am watching a movie, reading a book, or engaging in a learning experience. For that reason, I make a concerted effort to find an isolated seat or space in hopes that I will not be disturbed. Unfortunately, disturbances seem to always find me. If I am at the movies, it is always the couple with the screaming baby, the girl with the cell phone, the morons that scream at the sight of naked breasts, or the guy that just will not shut up. If it is in the classroom, it is always the class clown with the stupid jokes or the two best friends that are too inconsiderate to have their conversation either before or after class. Perhaps it is the person that sits in the seat that has been yours all semester. For some apparent reason, today, a lady that usually sits four seats down and on the opposite side of the room, decided that she would come to class early and sit in my seat. Reluctantly, I sat in front of her and spent the entire class period listening to her needless comments and insidious outbursts. To add further insult to injury, the class clown (sitting one seat down) was in rare form. I do not understand how in a room full of empty seats that ignorance always sits next to me! I am considering wearing a daily T-shirt with the words DO NOT DISTURB printed in big bold letters. Perhaps it will be just the thing that I need to keep Beavis and Butthead away.

KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS

People often tell me that I am antisocial. However, the truth is that I have a very low tolerance for the disregard, disrespect, and lack of consideration that people have for others. I am 6'3" tall and I weigh 255 lbs. I have 21" biceps and I bench press 500 lbs when in proper training condition; yet, I am always engaged in a game of walking chicken when in the mall or walking through the halls of LSUS. I make an extra effort to walk on the right side of the walkways thinking this is the general rule, but I find myself having to dodge, step aside, or even move abruptly to avoid a head on collision. It is always some guy that wants to test his testosterone level or some woman (usually young) that thinks she is the center of the universe. Cognizant of the bodily harm that could potentially be caused by an accident, I steer clear of the oncoming vehicle and vent my road rage by silently calling them idiots. Although I avoid potential danger, there is always that temptation to stand my ground and allow the Pintos, Explorers, and Mini Coopers to run head on into a Mack truck. I wonder what would happen if the kinder me stayed home and the eighteen wheels of my strength roared uncontrollably down the halls looking to destroy everything in my path.