FROM THE DESERT OF MIDIAN

I read my Bible today for the first time in a year. Since retiring from the ministry, I have avoided reading the Bible for fear that it may arouse within me passions and desires, I wish no longer to feel. However, today I was drawn to the book of Exodus, particularly, the narrative of Moses and his forty year exile in the desert of Midian. After killing an Egyptian, who was assaulting a Hebrew servant, Moses was forced to seek refuge from the vengeance and sword of Pharoah. Moses had been adopted by Pharoah's daughter and educated in the customs and traditions of the Egyptians. However, in this narrative, he was a lowly shepherd tending Jethro's (his father-in-law) sheep. While reading the text, I wondered if Moses ever looked toward Egypt and wished for the life that was no longer his. I wondered if he ever compared the landscape of Egypt to the desert of Midian. I wondered if he missed the sweet smell of fragrance and incense, now replaced with the odor from the flock of the sheep. I wondered if he thought that his life would ever have more meaning than that of a shepherd. To me, it seems as if Moses was in a "valley of despondency" trapped between two worlds; the life he once had, and a future that was uncertain. And, that is why God led me to this text. Like Moses, I am in Midian. I am in a "valley of despondency", trapped between two worlds-the life I left behind and the uncertainty of the future.

In The Miseducation of the Negro, Dr. Carter G. Woodson challenges mainstream Blacks and those that have overcome depraived situations, to help their fellow brothers and sisters to succeed and overcome their situations as well. However, he did not live during this generation. He did not live to see the first genertion ever to be less educated than their parents. And, if this generation is less educated than their parents, then what will be the future of their children. He did not live to see a generation devalue the struggles of their predessors. I recently struggled with the decision of changing my major from Biology to Psychology. I thought, that as a Psychology major, if I gained a better understanding of myself, I could help other young men and women with similar backgrounds. I was wrong; this generation does not want to be helped.

When I visit my former neighborhood, I am saddened by the level of ignorance and the outright refusal of help. Worst of all, I am saddened when I see the same patterns of behavior have pervaded this college campus. I am saddened when I visit the University Center and observe young black men and women calling one another bitches and whores while playing a game of dominoes. I am saddened when I sit in college classrooms and witness sagging pants being worn by young black men. I am saddened when neighborhood slang is preferred over proper English; and, when young women behave like "hoodrats" rather than intelligent, well-trained ladies.

I have made many mistakes and bad choices that have me here finishing what I should have completed years ago. However, once complete, "what will I do?" Egypt no longer wants me and I can not see on the other side of Midian. Will employers want people like me? Are people willing to forget who I was and embrace who I am at this moment? I do not know. Moses sojourned for forty years in Midian. I wonder how long will my journey last. Finally, I wonder if I will lead my people through the wilderness, so that some, may enter the promised land.